Two Lives, One Lifestyle

Flex Your Feelings. by Kelli
August 14, 2010, 11:09 pm
Filed under: Kelli

This morning my husband packed up his fishing gear and a few pairs of shorts and headed to Canada with a group of friends for 5 days of fishing, laughing, and drinking.  To be honest,  I was really looking forward to this trip due to the fact that I would get to soak up some much needed “me” time.  Today I thoroughly enjoyed the “sweetness of doing nothing”.  I had a lot of time to think about my life; where it is going and where it has been.

I realized today that something I am lacking in my life is true passion. A passion so great that it consumes you.  I love cooking, but have not been truly passionate about it.  This is because whenever I cook I need to think about allergies, who doesn’t like what texture, who does not like things “mixed together”, who does not like veggies without cheese, etc.  I want and need to be passionate about something that is all about me.  I need to be passionate about something that I do not have to schedule around other people; and something that when performing this act I do not have to think about anyone besides myself and my needs.  You might find this incredibly selfish, and to be honest, so do I.  But I need this.  I love yoga and exercise, but I so often have to compromise my passion for these things because of the daily grind and because of schedules.  I know that is life, and life is about trying to find balance with the things you love with the things you have to do, but how am I supposed to find inner balance if 90% of my day is spent trying to please other people and compromising my own needs for theirs?

Something I have realized I am truly passionate about over these past few months is reading and writing.  This morning when I found myself with an entire day to MYSELF, all I wanted to do was curl up in my hammock with a good book and a big glass of white wine.  With writing, I find a lot of times that I have so much to say but lack the talent and ability to actually write it down or say these things I am feeling out loud.  I want to write about how I do not want my life to turn into a daily routine of work, workout, cook, sleep, repeat.  I feel so trapped by that routine, and I am only 24 years old.  Sometimes I think I lack the life experience to actually feel “trapped”.  I have not lived through very difficult times, or even stayed at the same job for more than a year.  Many times when I actually think about it though, I realize I do not WANT those life experiences.  I look around me at people who have had “life experience” and all I can see is bitterness.  Don’t get me wrong, I am often surrounded by people who seem happy and who are living their lives the best they know how.  But it seems like when it comes to the daily grind, there is nothing extraordinary anymore.  There is nothing that makes your eyes pop open every single day with excitement for life in general.

I think I will start to write all these things down that I am feeling.  This morning in yoga the instructor said something very interesting.  When she meant to say “flex your foot” she said, “flex your feelings”.  We all laughed, but then she stopped and said, “Yes!  Flex your feelings!  Move with your passion and see where it takes you!  Flex your feelings!”.  So that is what I am going to do, I will make it a point to flex my feelings everyday in between phone calls and emails and coffee breaks and crisis. Feelings; prepared to be flexed.


1 Comment so far
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wait until you have kids…they fill the void, and then they grow up & your right back to where you are now…? lifestyle,purpose,etc. It’s the journey that you keep focused on. And a journal is a great thing, be sure to flex your creativity…with your feelings!

Comment by Laurie

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