Two Lives, One Lifestyle

Can’t Sleep! by Kelli
March 16, 2010, 1:54 am
Filed under: Kelli

OH MY F’ING GOD! I cannot sleep. I went to bed at 9:45PM and was really ready for a good nights rest before my 5:30 AM run. 3 hours later I woke up with a start, sweating, and with my mind racing. That was almost 2 hours ago and I have yet to fall back into a slumber. There are just so many things on my mind right now and SO many things to think about slash have major freak outs over. Here is the main one…WE ARE BUYING A HOUSE. Am I really ready for this? At 24 am I really ready to sign my soul away in the form of a 30 year mortgage? Is my head going to explode at the very thought of packing up my entire apartment when we have moved 3 other times over the past year and a half?

Lately my brain has not been able to escape one single negative thought. As I was driving my very long drive home yesterday I started to consider everything that could go wrong in my life. Doesn’t that sound so stupid? Who spends a 5 hour car drive listing things that could go wrong. I kept telling myself I was being ridiculous but my mind had other plans and I literally could not stop. I have had issues with anxiety in the past and I think this is a big sign that they are starting to crop up again. The thing is, I really love my life and where it is going. At least I think I do, what if I just love the idea of my life? What if I just love the idea of a house and kids and the whole picket fence deal, but it’s really not for me? What if I can’t hack it and run away screaming? What if I was meant to do something besides accounting and owning a house? What if one of us loses our job again and we are locked into a 30 F’ING YEAR mortgage? What if I really don’t like being an adult??

…but what if I end up being insanely happy and love everything I have worked so damn hard for? Ugh. I need to sleep.

Any advice on what I am going through right now would be helpful. Have any home owners or adults in general been scared shitless at 3AM at how fast life moves sometimes?

3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I get where you’re coming from but if it helps I’m 24 as well and have been a homeowner for nearly 5 years now.

It’s really an amazing experience and so much fun once you’ve moved in. I don’t know if you love to decorate/paint but that’s where I get a lot of my enjoyment. Plus my hubby is amazing with the lawn and we even have our own garden! Just enjoy the moment and don’t let your head psych you out of this experience.

Comment by Graze With Me

ugh i totally empathize with you!! it seems like i can’t ever sleep either. my only solution is sleep aids but those have their own cons so it’s really a choice which is the lesser or two evils

Comment by marathonmaiden

I saw myself in you,listening to your sweet voice as it describe your furture plans.I to thought I had my life and someone else’s life all mapped out.Now that I’m 30 years older and the map I so carefully planned my journey took on paths I never thought could happen.However you met me you’ve seen the path my mapped has led me down.Were there bumps in my way, yes were there road blocks yes!The moral of my story is how you handle the your journey.You know the path I lead today and where it is taking me.Be Not Afraid,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Comment by Dianna

Leave a Reply to Dianna Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: